"The Adventures of Captain Knutz" - Part Five

 Part Five

            Ugly Pete luckily witnessed the direction that Handsome Jack and his cronies sailed in, which was helpful in giving Knutz and Kelly a heading for their respective ships and crews. Kara and Mireya both prayed that Craig wasn’t harmed; they were prepping themselves for one violent confrontation with Handsome Jack that would make the Mortal Kombat tournament look like an after-school tussle.

            But, when they all came ashore on Monkey Island in their rowboats, they found Jack and his men tied to long wooden posts around a large pile of logs that were waiting to be lit into a bonfire. Near them was a small settlement containing a number of huts suitable to house a reasonably sized tribe like the three individuals that captured Jack and his men. They stood at the bonfire with lit torches, anxious to ignite it.

            Guybrush knew the unique tribesmen well. “If it isn’t the Monkey Island Cannibals,” he greeted in a friendly demeanor.

            The cannibals turned to face them.

            One with a red skull, one with a rock face, and one with a lemon head.

            “Oh, it’s you!” the red skull excitedly responded. “Paintbrush Thickwood!”

            “Guybrush Threepwood,” he corrected.

            Mireya was amused by the casual exchange between them. “Wait, you’re friends with these dudes?!” she asked Guybrush.

            “Oh, yeah,” Guybrush said. “They captured me when I was poking around their village, but I escaped from them…then I came back, escaped again, and came back again several times. They were a huge help in thwarting my enemy – the villainous pirate captain known as LeC…”

            “CURSE YE FOR YER BETRAYAL, HANDSOME JACK!!!” Knutz vented at his imprisoned former crewman.

            “Where’s Craig?!” Kara also confronted him.

            “Like I care about your little pet!” Jack spat. “Free us from these savages!”

            “Hey!” the lemon head protested. “Only we can use that word!”

            “I’ve got a better idea, Jack,” Mireya said, snatching a torch from the grip of the lemon head and igniting the bonfire, to the horror of Jack and his gang. She then followed up on this by asking everyone, “Who’s ready for a barbeque?” Kelly’s crew of maidens immediately held their hands up, while Kelly herself smiled and nodded approvingly.

            Terrified, Beggar Bill caved and sang like a bird: “WE DON’T KNOW WHERE THE BOY IS!!! HONEST!!!!”

            “He was still in the rowboat, when these cannibals attacked us!” Jack added.

            Kara’s eyes searched all over the shore, only seeing the rowboats that she and Mireya came in with Knutz, Kelly, and their crews. “What rowboat?!” Kara thundered. “Jack, if you’re lying to us—!”

            “He was there!” Jack barked. “He could’ve escaped!”

            “Ohhh, I hope not,” Guybrush grumbled. “Monkey Island is treacherous terrain. It could be days or months before we find that kid…that is, if he’s even alive. Cannibals are one thing, but there are the monkeys, the vultures, the…”

            “Oh, Guybrush, don’t be so dramatic!”

            Guybrush stiffened when he heard that familiar, lovely British-accented voice. Turning to face the jungle foliage along with the rest of the group, they saw a beautiful redheaded pirate woman walk into the cannibals’ settlement with a rather sullen-looking Craig Williams.

            “ELAINE!!” Guybrush beamed the moment he saw the redheaded pirate.

            “Guybrush!” She called back.

            They ran to each other, just as how Guybrush dreamt, arms wide open and a loving smile on both their faces. The only difference in reality was the lack of rocks, shipwreck remains, and other obstacles to leap over. Of course, that made running to each other much easier.

            The two long-lost lovers embraced and shared a long, passionate kiss.

            “HAIRBRUSH!” Jack’s demanding tone was all that interrupted their happy reunion. “Tell us where the treasure of Monkey Island is! At least provide me with the satisfaction of knowing its location!”

            Disengaging from Elaine, Guybrush looked on Jack and, with a breath of confidence, he told him, “That’s just it, Jackie Boy – Elaine is the only treasure I’ve been seeking all along.”

            “Oh, Guybrush,” Elaine remarked, touched by the sweet sentiment.

            Even Kara, Mireya, Kelly, and the maidens couldn’t resist a collective “Aww!”

            Jack, on the other hand, felt like he was going to vomit. “You can go ahead and eat us now,” he told the cannibals.

            “We’ll get to it,” the red skull said. “Soon as we find that Greek seasoning.”

            Meanwhile, Kara and Mireya expected to have just as happy of a reunion with Craig. However, as they were about to welcome him back with a group hug, they held back when they watched Craig furiously take off the eyepatch that he wore for the entire adventure, hurling it out into the ocean.

            Surprised at this, Kara started to say, “Craig, are you al…?”

            “Take me home…now!” he assertively demanded.

            Something was clearly wrong with the 10-year-old. “I’ll talk to him,” Mireya volunteered in a whisper, walking away with Craig afterwards. She did this not only to spare Kara the trouble of confronting her little brother on his sour attitude, but also to give her one last moment with her childhood hero, Captain Knutz.

            “Well, Cap’n,” she approached him, putting on her pirate persona one last time. “My itty-bitty crew and I must be partin’ ways with ya.”

            “Aw, so soon?” Knutz sulked. “Well, I can’t be blamin’ ya, after such a perilous adventure fer yer boy.” He nodded to Craig. “Is the lad okay? He seemed a bit peeved there from that scallywag Jack’s kidnappin’.”

            Kara glimpsed at Craig and Mireya, overcome with guilt. “I’m not sure, Cap’n. All I know is this is one of the greatest journeys of my life…and it’s already come and gone.”

            “May I leave ye with some words of wisdom, dear?”

            Kara lit up when she heard this. Every episode of the Captain Knutz show ended with “Knutz’s Words of Wisdom,” a closing segment where Knutz would break the fourth wall and address the kids at home. Obviously, to his request, Kara approved with a resounding “YES!” She caught herself afterwards, clearing her throat and rephrasing with a calmer tone, “I mean…aye.”

            Knutz proceeded to tell her, “Yer greatest journey is yet to come. It’s a vast sea of worlds out there, callin’ out yer name. New adventures to be havin’, new friends to be makin’. Whenever ye feel yer story’s endin’, just remember…it’s only just gettin’ started.”

            Tears welled up in Kara’s eyes, feeling six years old again. “Aye-aye, Cap’n.”

------------------------------

            After a thrilling live adventure with Captain Knutz that resulted in Guybrush and Elaine living out the rest of their happy life together on Monkey Island, as well as Kara keeping Knutz’s sword, the mood in the Type-Z TARDIS should have been one of joy and laughter. But Craig’s morose mood dampened things.

            “Sweetie?” Mireya delicately addressed him. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

            Craig hadn’t said a word the entire trip back to his home realm; his back had been to his Time Lord hostesses the whole time.

            Kara eventually figured out what was wrong. “You’ve reached your limit, haven’t you? Just like Jessica?”

            Craig sighed. “Jessica was too little. Me…I tried to be brave every trip, no matter whatever monster we faced or danger we were in. But when I was trapped in Handsome Jack’s sack and I felt that boat start to drift out into the ocean? Guys, I was really scared…scared for the first actual moment I’ve been in the Infinite DC. I didn’t think I would see my family, J.P., Kelsey, or the Creek ever again.”

            Mireya broke into tears, enveloping Craig in her sympathetic arms. “Oh, sweetheart. We are so sorry.”

            Kara used her sleeve to wipe away her own tears. “Me, too, lil’ bro. But you know we’ll always be there to save you.”

            Craig tore himself out of Mireya’s embrace, pointing angrily at Kara. “You can’t promise that, Neas!” He wasn’t just using her High Gallifreyan name; he was using the name he had grown accustomed to, from the time spent with Kara’s past eleventh incarnation. Calming himself, he continued, “I want to believe that you can always save me. But I also don’t want to risk another trip that could be my last. I wanna go home…for good this time. No more Infinite DC journeys. And I never want to see you, Mireya, or any other versions of y’all ever again!”

            That last heart-wrenching demand sealed it for Kara and Mireya.

            No more words were exchanged afterwards.

            Craig was dropped off at his house and the TARDIS disappeared out of his realm and out of his life forever. Bad as he felt about how things ended, Craig was nonetheless relieved to finally have a normal childhood again.

-------------------------------

            Two months had passed since Craig’s trips through the infinite dimensional corridor ended. So much happened in that time: he, Kelsey, and J.P. discovered a group of plushie-obsessed kids deep within the Creek, a spooky ghoul nearly threatened his candy haul on Halloween, he and his friends traveled to an alternate “Creekiverse” (no TARDIS necessary), and they had the best winter break ever.

            It all seemed to have lasted nearly a whole season’s worth. He couldn’t wait for the finale.

            One day, as he was coming home from school, a bizarre thing happened.

            Something that he hadn’t expected to happen since permanently ending his adventures in the Infinite DC.

            He was ambushed by a bunch of putty men along his driveway.

            They swarmed around him, performing some weird dance as they did so.

            “Ugh!” Craig groaned, knowing this weirdness could only be a result of the Infinite DC. “I am so sick of that place! I meant it when I said that I was done with it!” He swatted at the putty men with his staff, forcing each of them to duck and dodge. “Leave…me…ALONE!!!”

            Unfortunately, one of the putties managed to snatch his staff out from his grip, tossing it out into the street.

            Craig could only watch in abject horror as the putties advanced on him.

            “Leave ‘im alone, ya bleedin’ langers!”

            He suddenly heard a woman with a thick Irish accent speak out behind him. Before he could have turned to see where it came from, a figure with long, flowing red hair – clad in a green military jacket, skintight blue jeans, and brown boots – breezed in from Craig’s right side. The scent of Blooming Heather seeped into his nostrils as he saw her…the Irishwoman.

            Standing between Craig and the putty men, she glimpsed at Craig with dark blue twinkling eyes and warmly reassured him, “I gotcha, lil’ brotha.”

            “Lil’ brotha,” Craig frowned at the term of endearment. He knew of only one person who called him that. In this moment of realization, he whined, “Oh, no…here we go again.”